Anger

In many ways this one hits me the most.

Whenever I watch the news and hear a story about how some parent abused or killed their child, I get so angry. How could they. Don't they realize how lucky they are. They have healthy children who could walk, talk, have bright and promising futures. Instead of doing everything possible they could to insure a bright future for their children, they did unspeakable horrible things to them.

I feel such rage at these people. They took the most wonderful cherished thing in their life and they destroyed it. They did the worst thing that a human being can possibly do. We are genetically programmed to love and protect our children. The things that these people have done are monstrous.

People like Joel Steinberg, Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, Cesar Rodriguez , Josef Fritzl, and many others can only be looked at as monsters. The recent case of Josef Fritzl enraged the entire world. In my mind I would have loved to be in a room with this man and slowly break every bone in his body, let him heal and then rebreak him all over again for the next 24 years along with other horrible unspeakable acts of violence. Still, it wouldn't be enough. The evil that he and the others listed above had done has no possible level of pain or punishment that could compare.

What shocks me is how often I hear these stories. It seems that not a week goes by that I don't hear a story on the news about another child that has been beaten to death or sexually abused. What the hell is wrong with these people?

I get angry every time. Fortunately, now the anger only lasts for a few minutes. Afterwards, all I want to do is give my children a hug and a kiss. In a crazy way these stories make me so grateful to have my children and make me want to be a better parent. Never in my most psychotic fantasies could I even imagine doing what those people did.

But what about the anger that I felt at having a child like Dylan. Of the 5 emotions, this one lasted the least. My anger at my wife lasted less than a second. My anger at the world and the unfairness of the entire situation probably lasted for a few days. I have felt anger at some people in my life (who shall remain nameless) for making comments that they thought were appropriate but were absolutely stupid and insensitive comments to make. I did not angerly respond to those people as I did not see the point. I just ignored their comments and I have since mentally forgiven them for what they said.

There is one anger that has lasted much longer. I will discuss that particular anger in a future posting, as this particular anger occurred after what I experienced in the next stage.

The next stage is...