Why would I put myself out there like this and talk about my thoughts and feelings?
I'm a guy. Guys are supposed to be stoic and strong and not need to talk about this stuff. I guess that old definition of being a man has gone out the window. I still like to think of myself as a guys guy, but I fee like I needed an outlet to let out some of what is going on inside my head.
The most common route is going to see a shrink. Millions of people go see a person and tell them all their deepest darkest thoughts and desires. They have a regularly scheduled time each and every week (sometimes multiple times a week) where they take time out of their day for this.
My wife thought that maybe I could get some benefit from talking to a professional.
Maybe I'm crazy, but why the hell would I pay a total stranger thousands of dollars a year to hear me whine and complain. What good would that do me? When was the last time you heard of a person who benefited from seeing a shrink so that they no longer needed to see them.
Its a business. The psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, therapist, bartender, etc. makes money from hearing us whine to them. If they truly fixed us and made us better, they make no more money. The goal of this profession is to get us addicted to the service. Everyone I know who is in therapy, has been in it for many years and they have no plans to stop anytime soon.
Does therapy help some people? Of course, those with very serious mental conditions can benefit greatly. For the vast majority of people, it is simply a huge waste of time. The only true benefit for some people that I can tell is the narcissistic benefits of having a person give you their undivided attention for 50 minutes.
The other option was to just stay quiet and keep it all bottled up deep inside me. I couldn't do that either. It would feel like I was a teapot on the stove and I was coming to a boil. This is why people go postal. The pressure just build up in them to such a point that they just snap and do crazy things (Maybe I did snap and this blog is how I went crazy).
I could have also just put everything on my wife. I could just let loose on her with everything I am thinking and feeling, but that would simply not be fair. No matter how bad things might seem for me. I know they are a thousand times worse for her. She is the mother. She is the one burdened by the pointless guilt. She needs someone to talk to let out all her thoughts and feelings. I am that person for her. Of course I tell my wife many things, but I couldn't just constantly push all my anger and sadness onto her. I still have to be the guy. I have to be her rock. I can show occasional emotion to her, but to be a blubbering idiot to her on a regular basis just seems wrong and greedy to me.
The dumbest option and the one too many other men resort to is to simply run away. Too many men out there just run away when confronted with a situation like mine. They leave their families and the situation, because they simply can't handle it. This is the cowards way out. This was never ever going to be an option for me. I love my wife and kids too much to ever do something that selfish and stupid.
Then it hit me. Why keep it bottled up? why just talk to one person? The perfect solution. I could talk to the entire planet. I could do it at my convenience, not at some shrinks time. I could do it when I felt like I had something to say, not just because I had a regularly scheduled appointment.
Writing this blog has been a cathartic experience for me. It has enabled me to get out my frustrations and feelings and I haven't had to pay anyone for this.
Blogging is the new therapy...
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I created this blog so that I could talk about what it is like being the father of a severly disabled chid.
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5 comments:
I stumbled on your blog through my usual blog surfing- I too have found it very therapeutic...oh and by the way I am a "therapist by trade" =) and when I was suffering my lowest point after my baby was born with some unexpected complications of his own I refused to seek professional help, just couldn't justify it.. but blogging has been very very very good for me!
Yeah I went to a shrink once. It was not long after Shands almost killed Makily by od'ing her. In fact she was still in the hospital when I went.
I felt totally awkward and got NOTHING out of it AT ALL. The woman basically told me the same stuff everyone else was telling me....only difference was that I paid her for it.
uhm, yeah that was helpful.
NOT REALLY!
My blog has been my place to vent and saves my sanity! It's really the only thing that has helped me (with the exception of my medication mwahahahahhaaaaa).
Oleg - yes, blogging is VERY therapeutic and much cheaper :) More dad's should write as you do...
Thank you all for your comments.
I do not mean to put down all therapists, but I feel that the service they provide is counter intuitive. They are supposed to cure their patients so that they will no longer need therapy, but if they do that they go out of business. Therefore it is in the therapists financial interest to not actually cure you, but to only make you feel a little bit better each time.
Maybe I am just too cynical of a person, byt I feel that most therapists are that way. My apologies to those that don't operate in that manner.
My 2 cents -
I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now to help me deal with a very painful breakup and the resulting rage. Like you, I was skeptical, but was too desperate not to try. What I've found most helpful has been the re-framing aspect: how to perceive and react to things in a less detrimental way. It's also been a good exercise in getting to know myself and understand why I feel about certain things. Blogging, while helpful, is also a bit circular; you dance with your own ideas and like-minded individuals chime in. A therapist is a good, neutral third-party whose opinion you don't have to give a shit about.
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