Judgement

We are always told not to judge others until we have been in their shoes. There are people who are going through a very difficult time with their disabled children in ways that I have yet to deal with.

I cannot imagine the difficulties that Stephanie St. Pierre is having with Maia right now. I am not in her position. Contemplating putting your teenage daughter in a home or facility is incredibly difficult and painful. Based on what I know of Stephanie, whatever decision she makes regarding Maia, I believe will be the right one, but no matter what it is, I do not have the right to judge that decision.

Therefore I am going to judge people familiar to me who have been in the same shoes as I have.

My mother has a distant cousin who's wife gave birth to a Down Syndrome child some years ago. They simply abandoned the child at the hospital and renounced all their parental responsibilities. This was not a child who was about to die within a few days. This was a child who could have had a normal lifespan for a Down Syndrome person. These were 2 healthy adults who walked away from a child because it was not the perfect little kid that they had anticipated.

How can a decent human being do that. You brought a life into this world. You made something. You have a lifelong responsibility to that child. This is not a pet that you can decide you no longer want. You can never just walk away. It is a monstrous act to do so.

I have not seen this man since my mother told me about what he did. I would have a very difficult time being in the same room as him without expressing my disgust for his actions.

Another person I want to talk about is someone I only met briefly one time, hes a former boyfriend of my sister-in-law. We happen to have some friends in common however. I recently found out that his wife had given birth to a child with a chromosomal abnormality. The child was placed on a respirator at birth and had multiple complications and was not expected to survive. To every ones surprise, the child has greatly improved and can now eat and breath on its own. The child will still have life long issues but is healthy enough to live at home. Despite this improvement, the parents have decided to have the child placed permanently in a facility.

To me this is no different than abandonment. It is one thing when you can not physically provide for the child at home due to overwhelming medical problems. That is no longer the case with this child. The parents had made up their mind that they did not want to raise the child because it did not meet their expectations. They have walked away from their responsibilities. They are wrong. No facility can provide the care and love for your child that the parents can provide at home. They have acted selfishly.

I can judge these people because I was in the same position that they are in now. I feel I did the right thing. I took responsibility. I did not act selfishly.

These people did the wrong thing...

Emotions

I keep thinking about the night of the fundraiser. I was never a very emotional guy. I never let my feelings show, especially not in a public place. Yet there I was on Sunday night in front of hundreds of people thanking everyone and I could barely get the words out as I cried in front of all of them. Its amazing how having a disabled child changed something so fundamental about me as my emotions.

Before we had Dylan, I never showed my wife that I cried. In fact in all the years prior to Dylan's birth, I can only remember tearing up once in front of her and that was when I found out about the death of my grandfather.

I simply was not an emotional person. Sad movies only marginally affected me. Watching Schindler's List gave me a lump in my throat but did not cause tears to come even in private.

More than three years with Dylan has drastically changed that. It all started with the time I cried with my wife in the hospital cafeteria when I finally realized that the child I was expecting who would walk and talk and date and graduate and get a job and marry and have kids of his own someday was never going to happen. While I was in the depressive stage of grief, I cried a lot.

I have become a much more emotional person. I will get a lump in my throat at a stupid AT&T commercial about two lovers reuniting. Anything emotional about parents and kids will bring tears to my eyes. For example, the first time I saw that ridiculous AT&T commercial about the father taking pictures of the monkey with famous landmarks for his daughter I welled up. (Why do cell phone commercials get to me?) Obviously after seeing it a few hundred times that commercial now simply annoys me.

Today I read a story about how Pixar arranged for a dying to girl to get a screening of the movie "Up" before she died. I could not finish reading the article without tears streaming down my face. To see the story go to: http://consumerist.com/5296044/pixar-arranges-home-screening-of-up-for-dying-10+year+old
After you read it you let me know if you could keep it together. The amazing thing is prior to having Dylan, I would never have been so affected.

I almost never cry about Dylan anymore. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I cried about him. Though if I ever hear "Mad World" by Gary Jules, it always puts a lump in my throat. I listened to that song a lot when I was in the depressed stage of grief. Its a great song to listen to when you are depressed. You can see the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4

I suppose I need to thank Dylan for bringing me closer to my emotional side,my feminine side, my expressive side, or whatever you want to call it. All in all, it has probably made me a better man.

Thanks Dylan...