Friday, June 19, 2009

Judgement

We are always told not to judge others until we have been in their shoes. There are people who are going through a very difficult time with their disabled children in ways that I have yet to deal with.

I cannot imagine the difficulties that Stephanie St. Pierre is having with Maia right now. I am not in her position. Contemplating putting your teenage daughter in a home or facility is incredibly difficult and painful. Based on what I know of Stephanie, whatever decision she makes regarding Maia, I believe will be the right one, but no matter what it is, I do not have the right to judge that decision.

Therefore I am going to judge people familiar to me who have been in the same shoes as I have.

My mother has a distant cousin who's wife gave birth to a Down Syndrome child some years ago. They simply abandoned the child at the hospital and renounced all their parental responsibilities. This was not a child who was about to die within a few days. This was a child who could have had a normal lifespan for a Down Syndrome person. These were 2 healthy adults who walked away from a child because it was not the perfect little kid that they had anticipated.

How can a decent human being do that. You brought a life into this world. You made something. You have a lifelong responsibility to that child. This is not a pet that you can decide you no longer want. You can never just walk away. It is a monstrous act to do so.

I have not seen this man since my mother told me about what he did. I would have a very difficult time being in the same room as him without expressing my disgust for his actions.

Another person I want to talk about is someone I only met briefly one time, hes a former boyfriend of my sister-in-law. We happen to have some friends in common however. I recently found out that his wife had given birth to a child with a chromosomal abnormality. The child was placed on a respirator at birth and had multiple complications and was not expected to survive. To every ones surprise, the child has greatly improved and can now eat and breath on its own. The child will still have life long issues but is healthy enough to live at home. Despite this improvement, the parents have decided to have the child placed permanently in a facility.

To me this is no different than abandonment. It is one thing when you can not physically provide for the child at home due to overwhelming medical problems. That is no longer the case with this child. The parents had made up their mind that they did not want to raise the child because it did not meet their expectations. They have walked away from their responsibilities. They are wrong. No facility can provide the care and love for your child that the parents can provide at home. They have acted selfishly.

I can judge these people because I was in the same position that they are in now. I feel I did the right thing. I took responsibility. I did not act selfishly.

These people did the wrong thing...

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Oleg!
I accidently found your blogs on intemet and read it from A to Z.
It is amazing that you found the way to express your thoughts and you don't keep it to your self.
It's just one thing made me whrite this letter to you.
I am a nurse for over 20 years. And it happens to be that I worked in Staten Island hospital for years. Moreover, one day I was floated to a pediatric unit and your son was my patient. It was the day when he was transferred from PICU to regular floor, he was about month and a half old at that time. You were not there, your wife Mellisa was with Dylan all day long. As a mother of 3 children my heart was touched by your son's story. I spend most of my shift talking to your wife and comforting her, providng her with “extra” care and emotionall support. She also oppened up to me and told me a lot about your family, your roots, that you were from Odessa and you lived in Willowbrook, ( I don't remember much by now, after all it was about 4-5 years ago). What happened next, I couldn't even imagin. Your son was transferred into the private room and half an hour latter, we found out that a child in ER has to be admitted and needs a private room for an isolation purposes. I went to your wife to told her, that we need to transfer her to a semi-private room. What she did, I will never forget. (I did forgive her for that). She lied to the unit manager that I administered a wrong medication, or a wrong dose to your son and she made a big deal out of something that never happen. All for one reason – to stay in the private room. I have to tell you, this was not the right thing to do. You complained in one of the blogs, that nurses are ignorant and don't care about shit. My advise to you ( if you ever need it) NURSES are the ones who really care for patients in the hospitals, doctors are never there. An it goes in reports from shift to shift what kind of people you are, nice, mean, nesty, pleasant. Nurses go above and beyond for good soals. Как говорят в Одессе: не гадь где кушаешь. I asked your wife why did she do that, she told me that she had to do it for her son, that he does not need an infection (or something like that) from a roommate. Who am I to judge her afterall, maybe she is REAL Aideshe Mame? But I have childred too, and her accusations were marked in my personal file and I was considered as a “high risk for an error”.
I wish you, and your family all the best. You are doing a grate job as a father and a husband. Lots and lots of luck to you guys.

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